HOW TO AVOID TOXIC/UNPRODUCTIVE FRIENDSHIPS.

From my playlist: Real friends – Kanye West feat. Ty Dolla Sign

Dear Wildrose,

You ever been friends with a person or people and you begin to wonder if that relationship is really affecting your life positively or somewhat drawing you back and hindering your progress? Yes? then welcome, welcome take a seat. This post is for you, my darling.

One of the lessons I learned in 2017 was understanding the concept of friendships and how to figure out when a relationship or friendship is toxic to your emotional and mental health, and trust me when I say experience is the best teacher, because it definitely was in my case. You see sometimes we get into relationships with people and become blinded by our affection for them, platonic or otherwise and we don't realise that truly what they're doing is taking away from us instead of adding, positively by the way, to our lives, career, spirituality and mentality. Now, it's a new year and honestly what other better time to take emotional stock of our lives and declutter ourselves of unnecessary and unproductive relationships than the beginning of a new year. A fresh start, that's what we all seek every year, right?

Are your friends giving you anxiety?

I believe and I'm sure everyone else too believes that in a proper, stable friendship, there should be no doubts as to whether your friend cares about you or not. Friendships are supposed to be a comfortable environment where there are no doubts, fears or anxiety, so if you're in a relationship that makes you doubt the person's feelings about you, makes you second guess your worth or value, it might be time to re-evaluate your association with that person. At this point in my life, all I want is inner peace and I won't allow any form of relationship hinder me from that, why should you either?

Are they a support system or do they undermine your efforts?

Yikes! The worst thing that could happen to a person is having friends that do not appreciate or openly support you, undermine every effort you make towards building yourself and discourage you when you bring up ideas to better your life, career or business. I personally experienced this and it was one of the worst feelings ever, especially when you know you would go super hard for them. So what do you do in situations like that? Cut it, cut it, cut it! In life, we all need support systems, we need to help build each other up and not make people feel less than, that's what friends are for.

What, really are they adding or subtracting to and from your life?

This was one of the biggest questions I had to ask myself while I was trying to cut out unproductive relationships from my life, I won't lie it was sort of a hard process, because well, I'd gotten used to being with these people and the idea of not being around them anymore was a bit scary, but you see that's the thing, staying in an unproductive or toxic relationship because you don't want to get out of your comfort zone is in itself more unhealthy than that toxic relationship. When you realise that people don't add anything positive to you or don't take away the negatives, then what's the point of being around them regularly. Because honestly, baseless friendships are a big hinderance to self-improvement and progress, you're giving people time and space in your life that you could use to do something so much better and so much more rewarding. Let it stop.

THE PROCESS?

It's never really easy ending a relationship, whatever kind it was, a lot of these things are easier said than done but if you realise how important your time and personal space is to you, and also how associations can affect your life positively or negatively, you'd have a serious rethink. So how do you go about ending unproductive friendships?

Make a conscious decision, my friend

Take some time to actually analyze what your relationship is like with your friends, who is your biggest supporter? Who always goes hard for you? Who's always taking and never giving – emotionally and otherwise? Think out these things and make a conscious decision to get rid of those people who aren't doing things right, for the betterment of your being.

You don't exactly owe anyone an explanation

Yes, you don't. It's alright to talk about how you feel to that person, because whatever explaining you do is more for you than it is for them. But If you've made that decision to distance yourself from someone or completely cut yourself off that person and you feel like you do not need to explain to them your reason for doing so, then please do not, it's your personal space you're protecting, you should do it unapologetically.

Maybe distance instead of completely separating yourself?

Sometimes the relationships we're ending might have been going on for a really long time, maybe in the beginning things were great and you both complimented each other but as human beings we grow and change, therefore, there's a difference in your lifestyles now than before. You may not want to completely seperate yourself from your friend, instead create a distance and set boundaries, limit your time with them instead of completely cutting them out, maybe, just maybe that distance will make them begin to appreciate you more.


Are there relationships you've had to end or distance yourself from in the past? How did you go about it, leave me a comment. x

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13 Comments

  1. Beeyc says:

    Great post

  2. Bukola says:

    I really like this post

  3. A lot of people feel entitled like their position in your life is indispensable. Please, good riddance this year

    Idle head

    1. Exactly! That’s why you need to show them that you can do without them, especially if they aren’t adding anything positive to your life. Honestly, good riddance. Thanks for reading girl

  4. Man, removing myself from toxic situations is something I find hard as I’m non-confrontative and just avoid conflict and confrontation as much as possible. Sigh! Hoping I can start adopting this mindset of removing the negative before I end up entering my adult life with all sorts of toxic people

    1. You better start adopting it fast, don’t let people who don’t deserve to be in your life stay there

  5. This was the singular most important lesson I learnt in 2015 and I can’t even begin to tell you how much better my life has been as a result.
    Once you learn how to identify and cut off toxic and unproductive friends in your life the sky becomes your starting point. Truly.

    Nice post, well said….xxxx

    http://www.sunlightdreamer.com
    CURRENTLY I AM || JAN ’18 + SURVEY

    1. Honestly!! It’s just January and I’m already seeing great results from cutting off toxic people from my life. It’s a really important lesson.

  6. Toxin people!!! I don’t wish them for my enemies. While it maybe difficult seperating from them, it is best to learn to build better relationships. Overtime the toxic ones find their way out…you know, like “the light shines in the darkness, and the darkness comprehended it not”

    I have a related post : http://www.ijefinelivin.com/5-things-about-healthy-friendships-you-must-know/

    1. Hmm! Some toxic ones don’t want to leave ohh, they’ll stick to you like super glue until you decide to push them out by yourself. Thank you for reading, I’ll definitely check your post out.

      1. If it gets to that point…my dear do the needful. it is well ooo

  7. Omg! I needed this. Just getting out of a toxic relationship with an old friend I’ve been messing around with and sometimes he’d just ghost and give me an attitude then he’d come back apologising and being all sweet and making old promises. And make me feel like i did something wrong. And this guy has an on and off relationship with his girlfriend and still hits me up. Telling me he really likes me and all of that stuff. Ended things with him because I need to grow and move on for me. Thank you

    1. leslieozoaka says:

      I’m really happy for you, cheers to finding yourself and getting rid of the burdens in your life. Honestly, there’s no better feeling than detoxifying yourself of toxic relationships.

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